When you have to define life and death.

Hi Teman2,
I promise God that I will share this testimony with as many people as possible. To be honest, I have been keeping this to myself and not even my family knows about this.

Last month, all Waseda student has to undergo a compulsory full body check-up. I attended the check-up, thinking that it will be just like a regular medical consultation to make sure I do not have chronic illnesses. Everything went well in the beginning until my urinalysis report came out. It turn out that they found protein in my liquid waste and this was highly abnormal. However, since it was only a coarse test, they wanted to re-examine this issue two weeks after that day.

So last week, I went for the re-examination thinking that it will be a routine re-test to confirm that I am healthy. I did not feel the need to be concern because I feel perfectly healthy! And the report came out; it turned out that this time, protein level is higher than previously tested. The nurses were alarmed and quickly referred me to a renal specialist. It was at that time that I started to feel worried, and to some extent, scared. I rushed to the computer lab to learn more about this problem and internet information confirmed my worst expectation. High level of protein in urine is a sign of the beginning of kidney failure. It stated that many people with kidney diseases do not reach the kidney failure stage but I was still disturbed by the possibilities of needing to go through dialysis to preserve my life.

I went home that day feeling slumped and depressed. Though I was not in the right mood to do anything, God reminded me that nothing should hinder the targets that I have set for myself in Japan- to find a job and hopefully become more independent. So, I dragged myself to the nearby campus and applies for a tutoring job. The application went well but it still did not make me happier that day. From that day till today, many thoughts crossed my mind. First, what should I do next. I am only 20 and I have yet to achieve anything in life. Second, how would this affect my family. They will definitely make sure I am completely healthy again. But even if they can afford it, how certain is it that I can leave the operation room alive. Death crossed my mind frequently that week.

I prayed to God everyday and stayed positive at every moment. I was in deep thoughts several time and God gave me strength through my faith in Him. When alive, we honor Him in the world. When we die, we honor Him in heaven. Alive or not alive, we are still in Him; it is merely a transition. True enough, I have no problem leaving this world as long as I hold on to His promises but at the same time, I have big problems going through all the sufferings before I die. I have great faith but I have low tolerance! With kidney failure, I will eventually be weaker, bed-ridden, blind, handicapped and perhaps suffering from pain. Then I prayed to God: "if you are calling me to be your assistant in heaven, can you make it quick?" But God has a different answer.

Yesterday during sunday service, a sudden thought came into my mind; it is as though someone is speaking to me. "Staying humble is the hardest thing you (which is me) can ever achieve!" It is so true in more than one way. There are so many people who can see but are still blinded by corruptions and greed. There are so many people with a healthy body but are spiritually unhealthy. And there are 6 billions people living in this world, but how many are humble? Living a righteous life and being humble are far more difficult that surviving. Yet we are more concerned about how to live more comfortably rather than doing things that put a smile on His face. Upon realizing this, my emphasis is no longer towards my life but towards my soul. I'd rather die a humble man than live an arrogant life. Life and death, strong and weak, at that point of time, are no longer my primary concern.

Today, I returned to the medical center for my consultation. They asked me to take another urinalysis to update my condition. This time, they performed a more thorough test on my sample in order to acquire more data. I still kept myself positive believing that God's miracle is never limited. When the test is completed, I am declared healthy; there is not abnormalities in my urine sample. I heaved a sigh of relieve and praised God for his interference. The specialist said there should be no further problem and I did not need to come back this year. I will still need to undergo another full check-up next year to determine my health status.

God has alleviated the biggest problem in my life. Perhaps the previous two tests were inaccurate; perhaps God healed me instantly; or perhaps the last test was inaccurate and I still have problems. But in any case, I no longer worry about surviving because as long as my focus is in Him, He will keep me healthy, spiritually. He allows me to go through all these for a reason- to release me from the worldly views and strengthen my faith. Also, He allows me to experience the state-of-the-art medical system and world-renowned kidney specialist, everything, for only $6.80. That was 1/100 of the cost to remove my warts from my hand.

My friend, I might sound joking right now but tears are rolling down my cheeks. I am reminded of how GOOD my God is to me. He is so good that I hope I can thank Him face to face. It is only when I am closer towards death that I can realize how much favor I receive just to be a complete person. So I hope that whenever you are in dire situations, think of how Jesus died on the cross about 2000 years ago. He was cursed and physically destroyed but after that He rose from the dead and proclaim our Father's glory to everyone for 2 millennium. We might die but death is no more than a transition from this world, to God's Kingdom.

God Bless all of you!
Kenji T. Kusuma