Passing on the "Do it if you really want it!"

I think from last night (6/24/09) I already said to all my friends who attended the farewell party (i don't really agree with this as i will still meet you for sure even i will be in SD) that I regretted my decision to close my heart to serve the lord right on my first year in UCLA. I was so studious and afraid of not capable to pay my rent and school. Bcoz of that, i worked in the north campus restaurant in UCLA to at least be able to pay my rent. I was blessed i guess during that time as the manager liked the way i worked. What Bro. Aliang said last night was right that i often came early to one place and left the last, so everytime i worked i always made sure that everything was OK. i just like to make everything OK, not because i was afraid to my boss. However, time after time, i didn't feel comfortable with my life. Though i made money and proud of myself, i felt lonely and distressed with the courses that i took. There was one quarter, where i challenged myself to my limit, i took 4 science classes, all chem classes 3 upper level and i lower, as well as worked 16 hours/week. I was so tough, i couldn't handle one of the upper class, so i ended up having a C+, that was my first after i pushed myself. though feel proud again, i still feel emptiness.

Thank you for God who sent Bro. Aliang to always care about me, i was so touched by his care so i can't resist to say no when he offered help to me. In addition, there was a spirit in me who pushed myself to comeback serve the lord in the music ministry, being a drummer. Thanks to Past. Budhi who gave me the chance to serve Him, although i started serving Him as a singer. My drum play was so bad at first as my hands was so stiff, but overtime i learnt little by little to relax my hands, my heart, and my mind. sometimes i felt good, sometimes not. To be honest, i hated my play at first coz it was so monotone and boring, i couldn't roll in the way i thought over in my mind. But, because of "BOWYA" Mr. Jaya taught me the simple roll in using MOUTH!!! could you believe it?!? at first, i didn't, but i practiced with my mouth first and practiced the roll in. I was so happy, i could play what i want to play by practicing with my mouth first. so whoever have interest in playing drum, play with your mouth first!!! ha ha ha :D

Now, my testimony about playing drum for God in HMC (Nov '08) and the last bible camp (June '09), i always felt not confident when i played using my own capabilities, that's why i always like to start the play with a prayer. I felt saved after pray and confident that i could do everything. I felt like holy spirit holding my hands while playing the drum. the 16 beat...man that's so fast when i tought over it, but God made me capable of playing that fast. Now, the God's presence in church and at these two particular events, i sensed that when all of the people were really sought after God's presence, God really poured in all His atmosphere. At first, as a drummer, I was confused that "electric drum" can bring God's presence bigger than "acoustic drum". Acoustic drum is of course much better than electric, but what God sees is not the quality, what He wants to see is the hearts of people who look after Him, there you go...that's the secret.

My passion of music was so great, i want to encourage all of you my brother and sister in Christ to not limit yourselves. In whatever you want yourself to be placed in, believe it with your heart that it is not because of your talent or the time that you put for practice, but it is because God gives you the desire to play for Him, it is a GRACE. Don't say no if God gives you chance, just go for it. I believe there is greated satisfaction than ever in your life when you follow what God has put in your heart, i already experienced this. However, music is not the only place you can serve, music is just my example.

I want to see that we "mediocre" can be "superstars" when God play with us. just believe in Him and don't stop to pursue what you really enjoy/like. keep your persistency high, and i am sure God will use you one day.

Amin.
Hendra